I left ESA some time ago and swore I would not be back but driven byrecent events in my life I am back on the purple pages. Inspired by "I like what I see" I thought I would share my story. I too am dealing with the loss of a secret love (or should I rather say best friend) but in a different manner.

My story is like this. Had a friend in university that I was close to but I was firmly in the friend zone. Even one of my friends hit it within a week of pursuing her. Finally in final year just before the final exam she caved in to my pursuits. I was so excited I was blind to her faults and the fact that she was in fact still in love with someone else (who just did not have the same career prospects as mine). In only my first unprotected experience with a woman she fell pregnant. (Morning after pills did not work or maybe she never took em). Under pressure from my devout christian family we got married. But soon her feelings for the other guy became apparent. We slowly drifted apart and back into the friend zone. That is when my punting began.

After more than 10 years in the game, I met my Waterloo. I met the most gorgeous MG in Sandton. I sent her a text after the session and she replied a week later after she got back from PE. Out of interest I asked her out on a date. She showed up rather inappropriately dressed (looking like a hooker). I saw her first and wanted to run away but felt sorry for her as her make up was clearly hiding a very insecure soul. We had coffee and the most wonder 2 hours. It felt like we were old friends. We had a couple more coffee outings but she refused to take the service fee in the latter meetings. And so a whirlwind romance began. We first made love on the plinth to John Legend. I remember every moment.

Without my prompting she decided to leave the industry to pursue a serious relationship with me. She broke up with her Congolese boyfriend and moved into her aunts house (aunt works abroad). I supported her until she found a job. I also stopped punting (saved a whole lot but lost it all on travel from Pretoria to her house).

It was crazy. I never wanted someone like I wanted her and not necessarily for sex, sometimes just to chill or go for walks in the park. I watched her blossom and grow in confidence. She lost the make up and only work lipstick, she lost the weaves, stopped drinking and her beautiful shape up improved. Even her command of English improved and even her snobby richer cousins were surprised. She even wanted to go back to school and get a degree.

It was amazing to feel desired too. Whenever I hugged her she would literally shudder. Strangely, we also found God during this period. Eventually we had to come from our little paradise back to reality. she wanted me more but I could hardly ever sleep over. I offered to leave my family for her but she insisted that I could not as her dad had left "her" for another woman when she was a child. Funny thing is she wondered if I could not take a second wife....LOL! Her compromise position was that I should give her a child, that way I would always be able to see her. I refused because of her position in the church and my fear of not being able to see my own kids. Sadly I opted to let her go until my situation was sorted. I encouraged her to date, but all her relationships were a dud for about a year. We remained friends and occasionally fooled around for a while but eventually even that stopped. We became really good friends chatting every day about everything, including lovers.

I think secretly we both hoped that our situations would change, however eventually she got impatient with me. She told me to just go back to my family and make up. We had an incredible fight. At which point she asked me for a child as some form of commitment if I wanted to stay with her. Logically I argued that she had just started working proper, only had a matric certificate and so needed to focus on her career not babies. Furthermore she already had another little one back home in PE. There was no way her family would accept another child from her as there were already grumblings about the older child. Her aunts called her all sorts of names for not sending enough money home for the up keep of the child. So I argued that there was no way she could bring home another kid without a husband. I told her I wanted to follow the proper channels. I thought I made valid points and that we were on the same page, but clearly I was mistaken.

She soon asked for a break. She dated other guys for about 3 months but soon returned to me. We started making up slowly (but no sex was involved fortunately. I was scared that the baby talk would resurface). It turns out that one of her three week romances had made her pregnant. Not yet knowing her situation, I simply noticed that she her demeanor and conduct towards me changed. I was not hateful but she began lecturing me a lot on why I should be faithful. She was moody at times making random odd statements like "I am going to hurt you", "I am bad for you", and "you should stay far". As fate would have it I traveled out of the country for a job.

On two occasions she would joke about having my twins to which I would remind her that I had not been with her in over a year. In hindsight I believe we hung out during what was her first trimester. Then suddenly she cut me off. She would however still text random questions about what I would do if she got married. Seeing as she was not my woman any more I lied that I would celebrate with her. Then she would soon pick a fight and block me. Eventually I found that she was with child. When I asked why she never told me, she said she was too scared to tell me. The really strange bit however is that about a week before giving birth she was on my wife's Facebook account (even though she is not active on FB). She drops me a text asking why my pictures were on her profile.

Anyway, long story short, it seems they are getting married. I don't really know the details as we have stopped talking. I could not share any of the experience with anyone except you ESA scum. LOL

Lol!! And just to be clear this whole time you ate still married to your wife?? Do you guys have an open relationship?

Man why don't you hang on to these women you love? This could repeat itself in future

The story sounds very real and I am sure very emotional for you. Thank you for sharing it. I just have neen taken aback a bit by the LOL at the end. Is it just a way of expressing your sorrow?

Two phrases come to mind..

It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.....

And

They always come back....

... shame sounds like 3 un-wanted kids in this story, 2 that cannot even be raised with proper income, what a bunch of selfish bastards you all are, maybe you should have taught your lady simple economics, condoms 101 and the magic of the pill in those couple of years you shared together... no wonder we have a bunch of fatherless angry youth rising in this country..

This story should go on re thread about live and relationships it's a typical example of what I was saying before people started slaying ;)

Just saying :)