http://www.esa.co.za/members/displayAdvertiser.php?uid=5431

A short time ago a fellow punter wrote a review which relayed an experience that was a supposed 'utter waste of time'.

Here I use the term as literally as you can imagine.

In providing a review I (strangely) feel a deep sense of loyalty to my readers and try to remain cognizant of the fact that my reviews will have practical implications. Therefore I do my absolute best to avoid sensationalizing and getting worked up. As a result, this particular review will be devoid of adjectives. If I were to give over an accurate depiction of how I feel towards this woman - it would turn into a rant and fail to serve its purpose.

At around 6 pm yesterday evening I phoned the 'winner' of my second challenge - Minnox. I caught her at a bit of bad time as she was in a public shop and could not talk freely. Nevertheless, she was very short with me as she told me to call her back in five minutes.

I waited 15 minutes to be safe and then called her back. 10 seconds into the conversation I am cursing Nomadsoul for getting me into this ;-)

She was extremely abrasive and completely unwelcoming. I recognize that she hates what she does to earn money but I couldn't help thinking about the people on Fear Factor who eat pig testicles for the sheer notion of possibly winning money. They are more upbeat about it as they swallow 'raw balls' then she was talking to me. At one point in the conversation the signal started to fade. She got very aggravated that communication had become strained and became very aggressive and began to raise her voice. I asked her why she was shouting at me and she responded 'WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!'

Suffice it say, I learned she was free from 8 pm onwards and that she charged R550 per hour for a massage and 'hand release', and R800 for full house.

I decide to sms her now to avoid further 'signal stress'. We agreed that I will come to her at 9 pm. I then sms her to say that 'I am really just looking to relax and enjoy a nice massage and full house treatment - are you the right girl for me?'. She responds with 'I can do what you need but at the end of the day, it's your call'. I tell her I will see her at 9.

It was clear that she has a chip on her shoulder so I did something I have NEVER done before. I asked her if she preferred candy or chocolate as I would like to bring her some. She said she didn't like either so I decided to bring her chocolates daintily wrapped in a ribbon anyway. I was trying my best to soften her up.

When I arrived, she did not come out to greet me and I found my way to her room. She rents a maids room on someone else's property and in short, it was the worst 'venue' I have ever seen. The bedding looked like it was a hand-me-down from someone who lived there in the early 90's.

Be that as it may, when I walked through the door, she was sitting on a chair and did not rise to say hello. I put out my arms to give her a hug and after several seconds she stood and gave me a one-handed is-this-really-necessary hug.

I then saw she was using her cell phone to access the web and from the clearly identifiable purple background, I knew she had been reading the threads on ESA.

What would you do if you were the Head Chef at a restaurant and you were fortunate enough to find out that a food critic had arrived?

She continued clicking away on her cellphone for the next minute so I asked her if this was a bad time and perhaps she couldn't see me now. She promptly put her phone away and said she was ready.

I took out the R800 and as I was preparing to give it to her I asked her if she could please do me a favour. She asked what it was and I told her that I am pedantic about cleanliness and 'would you please mind taking a quick shower for me?'.

This time, she let me have it. 'I JUST SHOWERED BEFORE YOU CAME! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!?'. This was a full on scream. I was SHOCKED and asked her why she was screaming at me. She then said 'y'know, let's leave it. I don't need this shit'.

I couldn't have been happier. I saved R800 and didn't have to spend a single extra minute with the most agro person I have come across in a long time.

Four minutes after I arrived, I was gone (though 3 chocolate bars lighter).

On a side-note, she was dressed no differently than any other woman you might see at Pick'n'Pay and for someone who had just gotten out of the shower, you would think they would have slipped into something a bit sexier???

Bottom line: I would't want to spend time with this woman if I met her in a bar - let alone pay for her company. I would not, under any circumstances fuck this woman for free - and certainly not for a fee.

That means you gots to visit the runner up in your challenge....glad you saw the light with Minnox!

LOL Jon - doesn't work that way... I fulfilled my obligation here. I'll start challenge number 3 after this thread dies down.

Okay, so you saw but did not conquer or cum. Sounds like you were in danger of having your snake bitten off anyway.

Great review, just for the gonzoesque way it is written. Love your work!

I'm going top nominate some she-males for your next challenge, just to see whether a chick with a dick can be less scary than this bitch of a whore.

Don't even think about it Bob! I stipulated in challenge 1 that She-Males are off limits...

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This is getting as bad as going to the supermarket these days. Prices go up and up, but the substance keeps getting less and less.
R800 a visit and she cant do better than a maids room? Rent in that area must be really tough.

I was prepared to deal with the kak phone attitude when i called her in exchange for a fairly hot looking lady.. glad i didnt..

good thing it only cost you 3 chocolates..

Good man jsnake ... I respect your bravery with Minnox. I too had my ears chooed off by her which scared the bejesus out me ... didn't even thinking of visiting ...

It seems that Minnox specialises in providing the ex-wife experience.