When you lose faith.

How do I get up again?
When the punters abuse me verbally and emotionally?

When they make me feel unappreciated and unwanted?

Not much different from the marriage I fled?

When they make me feel like I am worthless, unintelligent and incapable of getting up?

Picking up the pieces of my life and recovering what was stolen from me?

How do I do this?

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't take drugs, I follow a healthy diet...

Yet somehow:

People judge me so harshly?

Thinking that I perceive myself as better than others...

All I wanted to do was pick up the pieces,fight, not give up, believe in myself again.

Yet YOU, you decided to break me down. To reduce me to nothing. Just like HE did. Expecting me to put myself back together after multiple blows. Mentally, physically, psychologically...

Why? What purpose did it serve?

My responsibilities forces me to put a smile on my face, brush my hair, make-up and treat you like a prince.

Did you ever consider that?

The only thing that caries me are my regulars. The true princes. That uplifts Cinderella and appreciate the little lady who can be just a natural woman behind closed doors.

For you I am great full. The little messages. The encouragement. The faith in me.

Could you stomach more truth? Or do you want me to lie. Pretend?

Could you be a friend to me instead? Take me for a coffee and hold my hand as I cry?

Could you ever give me as much as I have given you?

Punting is a one sided affair.
Where I give you what you need, and so seldomly you give me what I need.

What happened to the courtesan relationships of old? Do they even still exists? How do I find them? Has every encounter become a one sided affair?

I wanted to be your lover, and you be mine. Alas it seems that, that is no longer required.

And so I sit here with tears in my big brown eyes and wish that I was born 5 centuries ago...

C.

Love it!! I can relate to this :)

Well done to all our regulars who make us feel appreciated, beautiful and wanted. You are our pillars of support!

You are responsible for your own feelings. Nobody can make you feel any way unless you allow it.

So sorry u feeling down girl just don't allow them the power to get u down.

Feel free to reach a hand of friendship to me. I'm a qualified counselor as well and can teach u some coping tools.

Feel free to wsap or call.

Lots of love
Nats
0760455580

On 2022-04-28 11:29:22 Sabrina said:
You are responsible for your own feelings. Nobody can make you feel any way unless you allow it.

Well said Sabrina and What empowers you and what disempower you ?

Also boils down to you're Relationship you share with you're self and others.

Others will be the catalyst to mirror back you're relationship with self regarding self eestem self worth self love self care and self honor.

Then the betrayal of self regarding our relationship with others and our relationship with money.

On 2022-04-28 11:29:22 Sabrina said:
You are responsible for your own feelings. Nobody can make you feel any way unless you allow it.

Dr Phil most famous lines.

Can So Totally Relate!!!!!

Yes yes to all the "easy" answers.
We all know that and it's true and I'm pretty sure the op has also heard it before.

Yet, I for one know that when the black dog of depression sticks its cold nose in your face, logic is often not on its best.

Lady, know that you are not the only one that feels that way. I say that not to trivialize your mindset but to try to console that it is normal to have mood swings. By implication also ok to be down
That said it's dangerous to be down too long as unfortunately the other posters are correct in saying getting up again is your own job.

Maybe a suggestion. Not the thought product of hours so maybe there is a hole in the plan, but how about filling the next few days only with positive energy.
Contact your regulars (that you know dont mind communication from you) and offer them a discount or extra time or something that may urge them on.

In that way you may loose the money equivalent of a hour with the shrink, but you would have had many hours of positive vibes.

Sterkte!!

Depression is something completely different from allowing people to dictate how you feel about yourself.

@Caroline, you have a pm.