I saw this online.

Q: Until four years ago, I was a sex worker -- specifically, a high-end escort. In my experience, when clients treat you with respect and understand the boundaries, it's possible to form a relationship not unlike that between a therapist and a client.

One client I was particularly fond of was a man a few years older than me. He is on the autism spectrum, which makes him somewhat socially awkward, but he is intelligent, creative and empathetic -- and passably handsome. I always felt he would make a wonderful partner for a woman who could see past his quirks.

Last week, I ran into him at the library. The first thing he said was he'd understand if I didn't want to talk -- but I was actually glad to see him. We spent about 15 minutes chatting pleasantly, and when we parted he asked if I'd consider meeting up as friends. I took his number and said I'd think about it.

Until four years ago, I was a sex worker -- specifically, a high-end escort. In my experience, when clients treat you with respect and understand the boundaries, it's possible to form a relationship not unlike that between a therapist and a client.

One client I was particularly fond of was a man a few years older than me. He is on the autism spectrum, which makes him somewhat socially awkward, but he is intelligent, creative and empathetic -- and passably handsome. I always felt he would make a wonderful partner for a woman who could see past his quirks.

Last week, I ran into him at the library. The first thing he said was he'd understand if I didn't want to talk -- but I was actually glad to see him. We spent about 15 minutes chatting pleasantly, and when we parted he asked if I'd consider meeting up as friends. I took his number and said I'd think about it.

I'm pretty sure he's hoping for more than just friendship, but if my sense of him is accurate, he'd accept a "no" gracefully and respect my privacy. The problem is I'm unsure what to do. Had we met under different circumstances, I might well have considered dating him, and I would definitely like him as a friend. I'm aware of the stigma directed at men who see escorts, but he doesn't fit any negative stereotype.

Even so, the fact he's tied to a chapter of my life I've moved on from leaves me conflicted. I don't know if reconnecting would add something positive to my life -- or blur boundaries I've worked hard to establish and maintain.

A: I think the fact you're writing to me shows you do want to consider it, but are aware there may be some pitfalls. In some ways you're front-loading the issues you would have -- because you already know something of each other's past -- more than if you met someone the more conventional way.

I consulted clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr Stephen Blumenthal, who has worked with people who visit sex workers. He wonders if this might be less a case of "wanting a relationship, but rather exploring your boundaries in relation to your previous work and the life you have now".

You said in another message that you had hitherto kept your past work private. Perhaps you now feel ready to merge your past and your present/future, and by allowing this man from your past to possibly be a friend, you can see if this will work for you.

r Blumenthal explains that he's known "situations where men have formed relationships with sex workers. Some have succeeded and some have ended in disaster. It's impossible to know how things will turn out, there's no predetermined outcome. And yes, most people assume the relationship between sex worker and client is just about sex, but I've heard many a time it's less about sex and often primarily an emotional relationship that has sex as part of it. It's not always like that, of course, but it can be."

I think you have to be honest (as with all potential relationships) about what you want from this man, and if that's possible. You've been very good at boundaries before, this will need a different set of boundaries and they may need renegotiating, both at the beginning and at various other times as things change -- if either a friendship or a relationship blossoms.

"The important thing," says Dr Blumenthal, "is to be fully cognisant of where the original relationship came from. A lot of sex work is about an illusion -- that the client is the only one, that maybe they're loved by the sex worker. Here, exposing the relationship to the outside world may be problematic if you deny where it's stemmed from."

All relationships, whether platonic or romantic, start with a bit of illusion and projection, and what makes them succeed is communication, with the other person but also with oneself. That communication may allow the relationship to grow, or founder. You seem grounded and have established boundaries. If you feel safe with this man then it may not be a bad idea to meet him again in a public place and see if you can develop a new way of being together.

Very interesting topic.

It takes a certain level of man to date a woman who is either in the industry or from it.

On 2025-07-21 23:07:49 Kourtney B said:
Very interesting topic.

It takes a certain level of man to date a woman who is either in the industry or from it.

True. Must be challenge for man an woman.

Are most ladies here single or in relationship?

The perks of being swingers before I entered the industry, is that my sessions turn both of us on!

He loves hearing about how well I'm being fucked, when I'm left satisfied, or wanting more...

I've been doing this for over a decade, and honestly, I've had better sex and experiences in general over the past 17months I've been in the industry, than I did in over a decade of swinging and fucking around for free *shrugs*

On 2025-07-22 08:49:44 Mxtress Fussy Bunny said:
The perks of being swingers before I entered the industry, is that my sessions turn both of us on!

He loves hearing about how well I'm being fucked, when I'm left satisfied, or wanting more...

I've been doing this for over a decade, and honestly, I've had better sex and experiences in general over the past 17months I've been in the industry, than I did in over a decade of swinging and fucking around for free *shrugs*

I never found a lady that would do anything like that.

Maybe I've been meeting the wrong ones who spend too much time reading the bible.

I have tried this and concluded unless the "friendship" popped BEFORE you started interacting as client and SP (like met through a friend and later on then found out lady is an SP) there is zero reality to it. Whatever illusion is extended role play "to keep a client interested".

Test it - once you stop booking (even for a legit reason) the "friendship" dies too.

They may at best indicate weak interest then you are slow-faded. Don't even bother chasing the wind.
It is not worth trying to understand it. Be a client, stay a client and if your meet ups come to an unfortunate end due to reasonable reasons like either of you moving house, venue, work etc. - accept it and move right on.

On 2025-07-22 13:52:49 DaveJones said:
I have tried this and concluded unless the "friendship" popped BEFORE you started interacting as client and SP (like met through a friend and later on then found out lady is an SP) there is zero reality to it. Whatever illusion is extended role play "to keep a client interested".

Test it - once you stop booking (even for a legit reason) the "friendship" dies too.

They may at best indicate weak interest then you are slow-faded. Don't even bother chasing the wind.
It is not worth trying to understand it. Be a client, stay a client and if your meet ups come to an unfortunate end due to reasonable reasons like either of you moving house, venue, work etc. - accept it and move right on.

A friend of our's side gig was a stripper before she realised there was more money to be made P/T escorting - $500 an hour in that country.

She left the business when she became the PA to a high profile CEO and started dating a former client.

Eventually they married. It lasted 3-4 years.

I'm not sure what went wrong but from what I saw it may have been him - drugs and drink - rather than anything to do with her past work.

Friendship and acquaintanceship are two very different things.

The words "friend", "friendship" used so losely.

The responsibility that comes with friendship far outweighs anything acquaintanceship may come with.

Acquaintances come and go...without expectations. No hard feelings. No judgement. After all how much does one really know or care to know and gets involved, without judgement or hesitation, when an acquaintance asks for help, monetary or otherwise.

Friendships are bonds not easily broken.
Friendship comes with responsibility.
Friendships make one put oneself many a time second and standing in for the person who truly needs that help, even if it may be a struggle for one.

I smile at how we make our lives and relations with others so difficult and full of judgement because we ourselves haven't got the foggiest about the simplest basics of relations with others.



RB.