Guys I'm stuck behind a rock and a hard place. This is a true story and I don't know what to do.

The person I'm talking about might be a punter on Esa I'm not too sure but if you are, I'm coming for you somehow soon.

A good friend of mine daughter invites a few of us over to a house warming a few weeks ago. She is 32 years old and has 2 kids. They Muslim and that's doesn't matter but you will understand once you read the story. The daughter is married for 12 years and is a housewife. We all think life is good when husband buys her what she wants. A new x3 bmw and himself an m4. Then a 1.7m home etc. She comes to see a fam mem of mine last sat and needs to talk.

He has been hitting her for the past 6 years or so on places you can't see etc. Comes home late from work everyday etc but when he's from Dubai he brings gifts. I'm sure many know the type of talking about. She says a weeks ago he came home ar about 2am as normal. When she went to the TV room she found him skommeling while watching porn on the big screen. Then admits he is addicted to porn and prostitution ( his words ). He was into white women but now is into African women. She had picked up some sickness and had to have a womb cleaned or something.....car is on his name, credit cards and house as well. She has nothing. If she walk out she leaves with Jack.

Now here's the hard part. We both punters.....how do I not get involved when he is hitting her. If she leaves now she walks out with nothing. If I tell my friend, he's gonna kill this guy. I'm honestly stuck and don't know which way to turn. There's is Tears and act Africa I know some guys there but then what....I don't know if she's ready for that too. Seems she might be drinking her sorrows away too. Any honest thoughts?

The perpetrator in question has severe phycological issues. He should be offered help. Regardless this man will eventually collapse if he does not get himself together.

If this version of events is indeed factual, then the advantage is in the ladies court. Legally, this guy will be ordered to pay damages exponentially if sufficient evidence is provided. The law favors women for precisely this case.

What do you do? Offer the gent help, because eventually he will come apart if he does not change course. If he refuses, he will be litigated to death if she proves her case.

On 2025-08-07 16:20:51 gavinf007 said:
Guys I'm stuck behind a rock and a hard place. This is a true story and I don't know what to do.

The person I'm talking about might be a punter on Esa I'm not too sure but if you are, I'm coming for you somehow soon.

A good friend of mine daughter invites a few of us over to a house warming a few weeks ago. She is 32 years old and has 2 kids. They Muslim and that's doesn't matter but you will understand once you read the story. The daughter is married for 12 years and is a housewife. We all think life is good when husband buys her what she wants. A new x3 bmw and himself an m4. Then a 1.7m home etc. She comes to see a fam mem of mine last sat and needs to talk.

He has been hitting her for the past 6 years or so on places you can't see etc. Comes home late from work everyday etc but when he's from Dubai he brings gifts. I'm sure many know the type of talking about. She says a weeks ago he came home ar about 2am as normal. When she went to the TV room she found him skommeling while watching porn on the big screen. Then admits he is addicted to porn and prostitution ( his words ). He was into white women but now is into African women. She had picked up some sickness and had to have a womb cleaned or something.....car is on his name, credit cards and house as well. She has nothing. If she walk out she leaves with Jack.

Now here's the hard part. We both punters.....how do I not get involved when he is hitting her. If she leaves now she walks out with nothing. If I tell my friend, he's gonna kill this guy. I'm honestly stuck and don't know which way to turn. There's is Tears and act Africa I know some guys there but then what....I don't know if she's ready for that too. Seems she might be drinking her sorrows away too. Any honest thoughts?

If they are Muslim, go seek help from the local Iman. He could suggest help for the husband and wife. This is a horrible situation for any women.

Thank you for caring.

Sending them healing light.

Xoxox Esabella

Ur friend is a punter. This is his daughter you talking about.
You start your message by saying you coming for the daughters husband. U gave all the clues of a car a house meaning if this guy is a punter reading the forum, he wil easily pick up that its about him. And now he knows u are coming for him. Thats a big threat to make.
Why, if its so bad doesnt she go to her father for advice. Why are u getting involved. Unless u want to gooi her aswell.
If not WALK AWAY. its not ur business to intervere in other peoples personal problems or to post here for everyone to read. She is 32 years old right. Let her make her own decisions. Its not that she doesnt have a family to fall back on.
And u are definitely not her family. WALK AWAY.
What do u think is gonna happen if ur family finds out u also a punter cause u got involved in someone elses problems.

U not gonna be the hero riding into the sunset with her next to u

She needs to protect herself, she has to document her abuse at a GP. That will help her if she is going to proceed with a case.

Whilst doing the above,she must initiate counseling. Personally I dont think a guy like this will listen to any imam as stated by Esabella.

Also, if you were going at him why come to ESA. If she needs any loving and nurturing im more than happy to hand her what she needs

I heard on the radio that you can get a protection order even if you're living in the same house. I would go that route and get the law involved.

Personally churches and imaams and such most of the time favor the man. In my experience they'll just work to keep you trapped.

As much as ladies we think we can tolerate abuse for the sake of material goods. It's not worth it in the end. I pray you all find a permanent solution to this problem.

Get a protection order. Set up small cameras in my side of the home. If the sad sob steps out of line, get him arrested. No sex for 90 days and only after he's proven himself worthy of my attention again. Give it another try.

Let's start acting like the queens that we are. Not helpless sheep.

Absolutely not true that if she walks away she gets nothing. She has a lot more to gain than him. It's irrelevant whose name assets are on. Muslim marriages are also legally recognised in SA now. If no anti-nuptial contract she's entitled to half the estate and regardless will be able to claim maintenance for the kids and spousal support for herself. If she's not employed and able to pay for an attorney she can go to legal aid, or better get an attorney and agree with them to pay their fees out of the proceeds she'll get from the divorce. She'll get a good chunk of his money, they'll sell the house and split the proceeds unless they agree she can keep it which is often the case in the interest of the kids, and she'll probably be able to negotiate to keep her car. She'll be able to secure good maintenance for the kids - cash as well as school fees and medical expenses, and should have a good chance of spousal support for herself as well.

My advice therefore, she should get a good divorce lawyer and divorce this guy. This is how you can support her by helping her get the life she deserves .

On 2025-08-08 07:48:08 Caton said:
Absolutely not true that if she walks away she gets nothing. She has a lot more to gain than him. It's irrelevant whose name assets are on. Muslim marriages are also legally recognised in SA now. If no anti-nuptial contract she's entitled to half the estate and regardless will be able to claim maintenance for the kids and spousal support for herself. If she's not employed and able to pay for an attorney she can go to legal aid, or better get an attorney and agree with them to pay their fees out of the proceeds she'll get from the divorce. She'll get a good chunk of his money, they'll sell the house and split the proceeds unless they agree she can keep it which is often the case in the interest of the kids, and she'll probably be able to negotiate to keep her car. She'll be able to secure good maintenance for the kids - cash as well as school fees and medical expenses, and should have a good chance of spousal support for herself as well.

My advice therefore, she should get a good divorce lawyer and divorce this guy. This is how you can support her by helping her get the life she deserves .

Actually islamic law is considered first and she would walk away with what she came in with in the marriage. Yes divorce is a great option if you considering your own freedom as the prize. Obviously she's scared of being left with nothing. Sometimes starting afresh isn't the end of the world but the beginning of something beautiful.

Don't get involved Gavin!