On 2016-11-21 16:52:50 TheVeteran said:
Before I start my rant, as old toppies are bound to do, I clearly understand that this is a tough Industry and many a pitfall to all involved but always of the expression that adults choose what they do?

Met so many wonderfull ladies who love what they do and render an immaculate service which I believe they almost enjoy as much as we males do! Over the the years? Many examples of this? Robin, Roxy, Foxi, Veronica, Kirsty, Meg, Gabbi etc

But it is so sad that some ladies get caught up in the Evil Circle of doing it to get drugs and then doing drugs to do it? I am ashamed if ever I was one of those to facilitate this....

Reason for my rant?

In the last 3 weeks saw the following:
- Previous top 10 Girl on a street Corner in Edenvale
- Top 10 girl fall from no 1 to unlisted in 2 weeks and I know it was " rocks"
- To be called at 23h00 to beg for rent money by a high profile top rated lady
- again a very controversial contributor asking for R8500 to get her children home?

And the last reason why? To be stood up yet again by a gorgeous beautiful lady with star rankings because she had to quickly meet a " friend down the road to pay rent?"

Alas my days to retirement now due!

Sadly, Mr Veteran, I had a relapse on my birthday in 2012. The girl my boyfriend at the time was cheating on me with, gave me a gram of Kat as a present. Having avoided all drug addict friends, acquaintances and even clients for fear of being unable to refuse using again (I was 8 years clean off smoking heroine), I succumbed to using again. I left SA in 2013 for a few months to try start a new life in the UK (where I came clean again with the exception of a week I spent in Ireland, pigging out on Polish speed and again had 'Methadrone', I'm guessing was crystal meth, on my birthday.

I returned to SA to renew my Visa only to find everything and everyone I missed and loved to be gone and my estranged mother on deaths door. I was forced back into the industry very reluctantly and indeed, I lost more and was kicked while down only leading to further self destructive behaviour. What else is there to look forward to in that case but death. I prayed for it everyday but it never came. Everyone I trusted let me down and those I reached out to, fed me to the wolves. Everyone else I alienated because I didn't want them to see me self destruct.

Each time I tried to get on my feet and come clean, it just seemed like another punch headed my way.

I have no time or sympathy for addicts, including myself to be honest. People hurt me, betrayed me and even spoke shit about me, as if the mere fact that Veronica on drugs wasn't juicy enough.

After a kind of 'intervention' not to long ago, I finally decided I've had enough. Another so-called 'friend' initiated it (although she is a junkie, smoking crystal meth for 14 years by her own admission). Gold star Noddy badge for you my Darling. Through all the other nutcases I've come across and would be junkie pals, she reminded me of why I cleaned up to begin with all those years ago. I never want to be in the kind of denial she finds herself in today to the point of lying to others and betraying friends. For that, I say thank you.

Recovery from a substance isn't that hard for me. Processing the pain that others bestowed on me is the hard part and learning to love myself after so many treated me like I was worthless, WGs, clients and friends alike. I only have myself to blame, I know. Similarly, I only have myself to rely on to help me help myself.

I will always respect and appreciate the following people for their positive roles in my life these past few years of hell.

-Eddie of ESA (initiating forgiveness and rekindling a friendship with me after so much hurt and animosity)

-Kelly Fox (proving there is life after drugs and hardship one day at a time)

-Spurs (loving the unlovable and seeing/remembering only the best in a person)

-'JS' from the Harem (despite his rep, had my back regardless of the vipers on his with regards to me. I will always respect him as a person)

-Chane & Cheryl of the Harem (for small kindnesses)

-Alina (calls of encouragement in hard times)

-Chasidy & Arwhen (surprising me with support despite disagreements/arguments on this very forum. The norm in this industry is to gloat.)

- Russian Bridgette (words of kindness and wisdom, often giving me reason for introspection and admiration)

-Various clients and 3 personal friends whom I cant name,who never deserted me despite knowing of my situation.

-My partner in crime. He was the only one that truly understood me but has his own path to walk. Love truly gives one hope, regardless if it is impossible to obtain.

This was not easy to post, but admitting I have a problem is but one of many liberating steps to recovery. FYI, my chosen poisen was Kat. I have dabbled in Crystal meth and coke occasionally, but they weren't really suited to my preference I suppose. I never relapsed on heroine as so many have taken the liberty of spreading that bullshit. I thought of it everyday when wishing for death. Almost succumbed twice. Those spreading vicious rumors can kiss my lilly white arse. Those that say drugs are drugs and there's no difference can follow suit. If you've never been an addict, you can never know.

That being said, I saw so many girls doing shit that shocked me. Girls I wouldn't expect it from. That's what is inferred by 'functional addicts'. They hide in plain site, never looking or acting the part. So don't be to quick to believe those denying that they touch drugs or use a vice, whether alcohol, illegal or legal narcotics etc, I have met very few who don't take anything. VERY FEW...and most of them are in denial. I should know... I was.

Veronica,sweetie

People should see them self

But not to discuss somebody's

My self,i don't really drink

But when I do have a difficult time

Just wanna have a drink and forget about everything and sleep

I do have a problem

I'm allergic to a alcohol

It does me a sick

And I'm really sick

But any where

No body perfect

We all have a sing

Only God will charge

No body else

You are a beautiful women

Just a lot a j...... People around

But when I drink I'm not working

Never

And any where it's not to them to chat about

I would like to know,who and that forum don't drink or what ever

I was keep quiet for 6 years

And I'm tied of everybody else

Sorry about

Is like you say

Go will look us after

And lots good people around


And I'm sober till now.

Love you Veronica


And I will support you in the good way

No matter what

Hugs and kisses

Alina

I tell you one another story

Some in Cape Town
someone call me

Make a appointment

Lol

I say ok

Him ask me did I can order something to him

Lol

I say to him

Did my ad say I'm a D.....

He say

If not,he is not coming

I say

O well

I don't need you took

What's its

Sorry please guys

Hugs and kisses

A....

@Veronica, I take my hat off to you for publicly sharing your struggle with addiction, you have my utmost respect.

Your straight forward and honest attitude, is something I have always admired in you, even when we initially clashed on the forum in the past.

You are a strong, beautiful woman and I wish you all of the best!

wow miss V I'm proud of you dear,it takes a strong and real person to admit such.Keep it up girl

I've never understood why people take drugs.

I get high on:
1. Beautiful literature.
2. An early morning jog.
3. Beautiful women and their feet.
4. Good food.
5. Good company
6. History of the world.
7. Natural history
8. Making money honestly.
9. Fishing
10. Avocados

I love fishing and avocado

On 2016-11-22 19:24:20 Ben Layden said:
I've never understood why people take drugs.

I get high on:
1. Beautiful literature.
2. An early morning jog.
3. Beautiful women and their feet.
4. Good food.
5. Good company
6. History of the world.
7. Natural history
8. Making money honestly.
9. Fishing
10. Avocados

Sometime stressed

We all not perfect but

I will Support Veronica no matters what

I do know,how to be along

No family around

Friend s drop you down

You don't know who to trust

You can just talk to any body about,what in you heard

Totally lonely

But she is good person

Let just support

Hugs and kisses

I'm only have a friend.its Google

Love Alina

Very encouraging Veronica. We all battle different demons every day.
Alina, I'm not in a postion to help anybody yet, I may never be.
But sharing my struggle makes it easier for me to deal with me.
Much like Veronica, I found that my biggest enemies in my recovery were 'friends'.

On 2016-11-22 19:55:07 Bbw Nadia said:
Very encouraging Veronica. We all battle different demons every day.
Alina, I'm not in a postion to help anybody yet, I may never be.
But sharing my struggle makes it easier for me to deal with me.
Much like Veronica, I found that my biggest enemies in my recovery were 'friends'.

Nadia,im totally agree with you.
I whent to difficult time too

I difficult to trust too

But it's more difficult not to trust too

But if we not support each other.
Who will.

They business.....but I do have nice guys around me

For years and years


When I do have a difficult time

My guys was supposed me,not my friends


When I was in bed for month's and month


Them support me

Not my friends

But I do believe


Somebody tell me last year

When I was at hospital 4 month


Old lady

It's not so dark


It's sun around

It's

I do make my every day,make a special

Today it's today

Past we can't return

Who is can

I tried do remember good memories
Not bad

Tomorrow it's another day

But Thank you so Much To My Guys


I do

love you.

Nadia,lets just respect

Support

A little care

A little help

Simple

Love you

And you are a good person.

Love Alina

Nadia

Sweetie
I do have hectic experience on my phone from last week Friday.

Even office don't understand

Love Alina