Personally I think there a big difference between punting and affairs. And it will only be men and SPs that might agree.

Vanilla wifes can't or won't see the difference. Cheating is cheating.

And when it comes to wife's cheating there is only about a 10% chance of it being purely sex. Hence the guys reaction to their wife cheating because they know their is a 90% chance there is feelings involved. So him being upset her having affair is normal and being very hurt is normal.

But in his case it is the pot calling the kettle black because he was not just punting but was also having affairs.

He should take a step back and go sit down and figure out why he wants to divorce her. Because she cheated? She stayed when he did it. That would not be right to not afford her at least the same chances she gave him.

Or is it because he does not like the idea that she has the right to the same rules as him and his ego cant handle it. And knowing that if he stays chances are she will do it again just like he did over and over again.

If he can figure that out. They might have a awesome open relationship after the fact or get back to being faithful to each other. Or throw in the towel because your love ain't stronger than just sex.

But then again what works for one person won't work for another. Life, love and sex is complicated. And it is hard work to make it all balance.

Just my point of view, just remind him he has done the same, and if he still believes, he has to leave her because she did exactly the same as he did....... Carma is a bitch. Sorry if i sound harsh, just how i see it

My wife is at home while I am at the office so she might be cheating, but I doubt it. Since we have not been sharing a bed over more than 10 years I believe we should seek our own entertainment. Musposition with her

I justify my punting by the fact that I am not yet married. When I am married, I imagine that punting will be unthinkable, unless it is with the wife's knowledge (and blessing?). If you decide to continue punting, then you would have to be "man enough" to do it with your wife's knowledge. Otherwise, is it not being deceptive? And why get married in the first place if you are not "man enough" to not be deceptive? Let the wife know. Perhaps explore whether an open marriage is feasible for you, or just quit. Regardless of consequences, the element of deception is just indefensible from any point of view. Of course in real life, we tend to assail everything. Everyday we witness how we can readily make a mockery of everything. We sacrifice the most "valued" virtues and sensibilities, including "love", "faithfulness", "kindness", "truth & truthfulness", etc, at the altars of our base impulses. I suspect that these tragic sacrifices / reckless pursuits cause all the creeping sadness that it seems our lives inevitably tend to become. If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?

On 2020-01-27 15:22:57 Blades said:
I have a mate whose been married for almost 20 years. He's a serial cheater. I know of at least 3 affairs that he's had in the past and I know that he punts as well.

Some years ago his wife caught him chatting with a lady via text messages, but there was no real evidence of an affair and she forgave him.

When you see him and his wife together it really seems like he loves her a lot. He treats her well, does special things for her on special occasions and such.

Late last year he caught his wife having an affair with one of her co-workers.

This man is completely and utterly devastated. And he is now busy divorcing her. I've never seen him like this. He used to be the life of the party, but he has fallen into deep depression.

His soon-to-be ex-wife immediately put a stop to her affair and she wants to fight for their marriage, but he doesn't want to budge.

I have spoken to him. He says he loves her very much, but he says he'll never be able to forgive her or forget her betrayal. When I point out that he's done the same he ignores the question.

How would the married punters here react/feel if your wife cheated on you? We are all strangers, so be honest.

Hope you are well. An eye for an eye doesn't work in a relationship. Sure,men feel like we this magical perfect creatures. That doesn't make mistakes,until the truth comes out.

This is a 20 years marriage. 1st. What does he has to lose? 2nd. Was he really invested?
3rd. He is ready to see her happy with someone else?

People have different levels of emotional maturity. He might just throwing a tantrum. Or the taste of his on medicine is too bitter. Instead of assuming, why doesn't he inquire,why she had an affair? Because her reasons and his differ.
This is a clear case of misunderstanding,the lovely 2 couple need to communicate 20 years of hurt, happiness, disappointments,regrets,joys,excitement and more. Sit and express the "I feel... ",not "you did.." that would reduce judgement. They should remember why they got married.

A piece of him is in her and a piece of her is in him. Some of us wish to have a 5 years relationship max(lol).. Let the man hurt. She is probably hurting too. I wouldn't want to see my parents divorce.

Xxx

There's a huge difference between love and lust.
Know the difference.
Dont mistake lust for love and vice versa.

Now imagine the shoe is on the other foot?
The role has changed.

Remember what heartache she went through when he got caught but still she stood by him (Hats off to her, it takes a strong woman who really loves her man)
Believing things could work out?

You first mistake is...(as men) You think its okay, you talked about it and life will go on as usual.

We can talk and get solutions and try and work things out, work on what went wrong...but if you get caught...THE TRUST IS GONE.
There is no turning back from it unfortunately.

Woman walks out of marriages (emotionally) years before the time.
Woman walks away when they are no more appreciated and getting little to none attention.

Perhaps its the lack of interest and attention that made both parties guilty.

Someone once told me...
Why do men f### around..
Its because they think they will never get caught.
For men its mostly sex...when woman do this its more the emotional stimulation she doesn't get at home.

Well said Louise.

Wow. All of you people really are amazing. Thanks for the views. My own stunted emotional growth doesn't help me see the bigger picture.

I have many reasons why I wish to remain single. One of them is that I know for a fact that I will never be able to remain faithful. I would not like to hurt someone who supposedly loves me.

I feel for my mate. I can see that he is hurting, but I also know that his actions would be more justified had he not been unfaithful so many times before himself. To be honest, I would probably have felt like him. It is not that I've never been in a relationship before. I've had some serious ones and playing the scenario out in my head, I can't come to a different conclusion as to how I would have felt/acted out.

I have also since learned that his last affair ended about 4 years ago and that he also punted last about 4 years ago. He made a decision to not be 'that guy' anymore and be devoted to his wife. I think that this may have something to do with his reaction. Not that it changes what happened in the past.

Another thing is that his wife's infidelity came as a shock to many people, including myself. Even her parents are furious. One has to know her to understand, but she really is the last person one would think would do something like this.

I'm already a person that trusts no one, but this fiasco cemented my feelings on the subject even more.

Firstly cheating is cheating,wether its an affair or lust as long as you entertaining a third party without your significant other's knowledge or blessing and hiding it..the strange thing is in most cases women we are forgivers most of the time yet 95% of men struggle with the idea of another man plucking their woman's flower.l guess what messes up men so much is when they cheat as well and stronly believe the woman is a saint and she will never do it until they do,hence they are massively devastated and struggle dealing with it even if its was just once but on his side he has had affairs or jus sex with random partners...yes trust is broken but we give
men a chance to earn it back but for men its a big No No...l think its unfair..l think he should forgive her and tackle their issues together.In the mist of it all we all hurt and we all know its not a good place ..

Blades, you friend's experience is a classic case of "poetic justice"...
"Live by the sword,Die by the sword"