'......What was it that defined my "lusty" imaginings as a youngling, a spring chicken where my boobies did not know gravitational pull my bum bums nice and firm not only due to exercise, my skin softer and more taut...the freedom to be me with wild imaginings most seductive.

I always loved the flirt. The tease. The courting. The coyness of being a "virginella" yet, sooooo naughty in my desires.

My pleasure was , and still is, defined in the unrushed lead, throwing out that "bait" of "I am interested" and then, slowly slowly to reel it in.
An under the eye "come hither" look.
A husky laugh.
An on the edge of a chair "I-am-interested" type, seat taken.
A suggestive whisper....


Never to touch but , place my hand ever so close...within reach, my leg between an interested suitors legs yet, not touching.

It did not matter to wear sexy clothing but, loved that natural look of disheveled hair and face fresh from make-up. My prominent nose and sharp hawkish features giving away my Slavic genes. I have always been far from pretty for the fine softness of prettiness was not bestowed upon me at birth....being told rather.."u have an interesting look."

And thus, I suppose, I was lucky to be bestowed with a happy acceptance of self . No issue with being different as looks were not the central point in our household.

My curiosity as to sexuality and sensuality was not restricted by my strict upbringing. Our travels affording me exposure to people and places and thoughts and ideas most enigmatic, different, colorful and inviting capturing my young impressionable mind in a lifelong fairy tale that has never left me.
I never knew how to be part of the "popular ones" and always looked in, inquisitive, wondering if they knew to dabble in my sort of zany imaginings...actually, knowing the couldn't for, they found me a strange sort and viewed me as not worthy of their time.

The interesting part was that the boys were more curious is to what defined me, not brave enough to approach for, one would not want to fall out with the popular bunch. ...thus "sampling" me from a distance.

On the sly, when there was no witness to such, would try to greet or flirt.

Boys would be boys...and that is where my knowledge of them began.

I got to understand the power of simply being who one is and embracing it wholeheartedly.

I got to understand that it was more satisfying being honest than playing to the "hand" of others and that truths need not be blatant, looking for acceptance and accolades.

What happened to be popular of that day did not guarantee popularity in a month or two.

I loved my cosmopolitan upbringing and the introduction to cultures most different..their viewpoint on sexuality, relationships and "behind closed doors" intimacies.

I did not shy away from that education and suffered many a heavy hand from my now, late father and very strong willed mother for being too curious for the good of a young "lady".

Yet, no matter the concern of my parents, as a young adult, I never crossed the line further than indulging many in my tales, giving them the ideas of what could be...many of those keen to lend an ear, were quite a few years older than I, wanting me to share my naughty tales and then take ownership of such , rushing off to experiment with a lover.

Through my teenage years, I left a trail of bedroom lover's fairy tales from one place to another accompanying my mum and late dad on their travels for work purposes .

And as I matured and became the person that I am, I could never have imagined that my present path in life would be the one it has been and is.

Was the dice cast before my birth?

They say one is born with one's own personality ...where as character is built over time, influenced by much.


But is ones development of character not influenced by the choices made and company kept dictated by ones personality?

One thing is a definite and that is that even as a baby I remember that the brighter the colour, the muskier the scent, the more challenged the tastebuds, the brazenness of all things erotic and seductive, the sensuality of most things natural bewitched and intrigued me . I became a student in preparation of a path to be chosen much later in life I would never have imagined I would make..........'

RB.

I looked at the picture of myself and asked that baby in the very fancy old style pram...."Could u have ever imagined this is who u would become?

A snippet of a much longer write.

I often wonder the same. Was my path pre-written. I'm here and I'm not surprised. I thought I'd be in this world before I had my first adult hairs. It's crazy even then I felt the pull not of girls, not of women but of uninhibited women. I didn't know what I wanted to do with them but I knew that the people I wanted to be around were different.

Our lives give us clues as we live it. For whatever reason, the answers are always there. What we do with them, will help us get 'there' faster or slower.
One can wish to be so many things and simply never becomes them. What the reason may be..?.. could be abundant but, putting it simply...one was not destined for anything different.


Does that make me a fatalist? I am not sure because i keep fighting it...let us see if the 'fight' reaps different outcomes. The probability being that innate 'me' will get the better of "me me"...sigh.