Baring my soul as a service provider! Raw and Real!

I wonder if clients ever realize the impact they have on our lives. I have been in the industry for 18 years on and off. I have met so many amazing clients that I have become friends with, we don't just share intimacy, but we have also grown older together, sharing intimate moments of our personal lives. We have watched each others children grow up, nurtured our failures and celebrated our successes, in marriage, business and life. Through words, in the stories and conversations we have shared in our moments of escaping the real world. We have gone through trials and tribulations like a couple almost. But we get to share a life that is not public, yet hidden, but it is sooo much more personal than most stories. Its a love story of sorts.
And I have lost clients over the years to illness, accidents, farm murders, crime etc... death is a part of life! This I understand and I have made peace with it! These are clients that I have obviously built a level of trust with that we know personal names, shared personal information with each other so when things like this happen. If I get an sms or whatsapp from a family member informing me of their passing. Thank goodness we have shared enough information that when I get asked How did you know him? I can answer it legitimately, with an alibi, without ever disclosing the intimacy of the relationship. Its hard to hear of a client passing, and never knowing he was ill. The hardest is when a regular client you have been seeing for years just disappears without a trace. You eventually assume the worst, but there is no knowing. No closure. But it's even harder knowing he is ill and you have to step back and fade into the night. You cant be there to support him! And be there for him! I had a dear client last year who suffered a stroke. And the fact that you want to contact them and support them is so frustrating because we can't! We can't compromise your family! So we just step back and hope, pray and wait.... I cannot find the words to explain the emotional and mental torture that we go through and suffer.
So today, I am so very sad because a dear friend, that I have shared a lifetime of moments with over the last 18 years. A relationship that has lasted and sustained more than double the time my marriage did, told me he has been diagnosed with cancer. I can see the turmoil, devastation and fear of the unknown journey he is about to embark upon, and I feel helpless. Shattered! Broken and just wish I could be there to hold his hand and comfort him during this time. It saddens me so deeply to know that we have been friends for so long yet I have to hide in the shadows and can't be there for him in his time of need. I want to be there! I want to be a part of it as we have shared moments not many do, but yet I am a secret. I cannot disclose myself, in fear of exposing him and the secret relationship we have shared! This relationship behind this purple curtain. The feelings of helpness are the same as your loved ones. Except they get to be there, they are informed daily of your progress, constantly updated... I wait with bated breathe to hear if you are ok, when you can find the time to sneak in a moment to let me know you are ok. Do you know I care as much as they do! Is my concern validated in ways as close as you appreciate theirs? Or was I just a passing, fleeting moment. Because for me its real! I do feel, I do care and I do worry!
You become family in a weird and wonderful way!
So to all the clients out there. Never assume you just walking through our lives without leaving a footprint! You do matter! Hope you take the time to appreciate that we do get attached even though we don't cross the line and might not say it!
Thank you for the memories you create with us, and for blessing us with the privilege of being able to share special moments with you, that we will forever treasure.
Get well soon my friend!!! You are a survivor never a victim!
Arz

That was beautiful and deep.

hmmmmmm Arz your words are so touching and very deep my dear,you've said it all wishing him seedy recovery okay,,,,,
Stay blessed.

Very touching.

Ur like a good old wine as they say...Arz...PS I'm not a drinker but if u were a wine I just would start...In my industry cancer is way to common and ur never to young to be affected

So true Arz! You feel so connected to certain people, probably even more then their wives or partners, yet when it comes to being there for them when it really counts beyond the bedroom, you have to sit in the shadows awaiting news that sometimes gets passed on through the grapevine!

I usually hope that they have moved on and are happy or have found a partner and no longer require me in their lives etc, so I back off. Last year with that client that had a stroke (struggle to use the term 'client' in this instance) I was devastated that I had to hear the news from someone else that I have disassociated myself from and then you the following morning! He was there for me when my appendix burst and even took care of the hospital bill as I was not on medical aid. I could have died and he was there for me in so many ways. I could never repay his kindness in a million years, yet I could not even find out which hospital he was in, never mind see him! It devastates me ever time and it is one of very few instances in this work where I feel the burden of this industry as something to be ashamed of!

Your words run deep... and a fitting title, untitled, as sometimes the relationships WG and punters can share can only be classified as such! Untitled!
Your heartache is felt!

Please know that this 'untitled' relationship does not go only one way. We as punters also develop a 'soft spot' for the ladies and it becomes difficult to remain a 'client' after you've met the person behind the SP.

Yhoo!deep indeed. I haven't been here that long as yet , but I can relate in my own way and through my past experiences.
We each have our own struggles, experiences and life journeys and we find confidants in the oddest of places.
May the good Lord be with him as he starts this hard and very very scary journey.

Ari , VF , Mandy , Janine Ruby and others ...... that is why some of you become much more than just another "pomp" . All men needs that special female friend that you can confide in at times , can live out fantasies with , just pomp , just talk ... you ladies have all filled that gap for me at times in the past ...

I take my hat off to you and my pants if you ask nicely lol


Xxxxx
Amstel , Oupa Jack