@ PortoButcher

Oh wow, finally men can learn how to play real good !

"A couple on their first date decide to go to his place afterwards. When they arrive, before he even gets the house keys out of his pocket, the girl says, 'You know, I can actually tell whether the man I'm dating and I are compatible just based on how he opens the door. If he busts it open, it means that he's a selfish lover, and that's definitely not someone I'm interested in. If he drops the keys, it means that he's inexperienced in bed, and that's not who I'm looking for either. So how do you open the door?'"


"'Well,' says the guy, 'I'll just lick the lock first if you don't mind.'"

Saw this the other day written on an item in shop:
"Dose is oral"

Only later realizing i should read this in English!

I hate it when people act all intellectual and talk about Mozart while they've never seen one of his paintings.......



Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahha!!!!
One of my favourites.


Like the one....





Someone posted they had just baked some synonym buns. I replied, just like the ones grammar used to make? Now I'm BLOCKED!




Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahha!!!

LOVE WAR POLICY

Official: FG approves relocation of single people to Iran, since they can't find love, they might as well fight war.

The government states that: We've given them year's after years.
Valentine after Valentine!
But they are still single.

If they don't find love, The Madam must fight
war.

"Now the single community must just fall in love or fall in line for military deployment"

Now remember, find love
Before they find your passport.

Allora

A burger entered a bedroom, tied the husband and wife, kisse the wife's ear and went to the bathroom.

The husband said to the wife, " satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love you."

Wife said, " he didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear he is fay, he needs Vaseline and I told him it's in the bathroom. So be strong, I love you too."


GRIN.

Let your fingers do the walking through my hol wange.

@therodent

Mmmm....do you like " hol "?

Having sex is very stressfull!!
In your teens..... you're afraid your parents might catch you.....
Then you get married and have kids.... You're scared your kids might catch you.....

Then you get a bit older....and you're scared your wife might catch you.....

This is a story by the Smith family.

The Smith family were unable to conceive children

And finally decided to use a surrogate father to begin their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive

Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodby and he said darling I'm off to the office Now, don't you be nervous everything's gonna be alright , the man will be here soon.

Half an hour later just by chance , a door to door photographer happened to ring the doorbell hoping he can make a sale

Morning Madam I've come to ....

Don't explain she said I've been expecting you

Have you really ,
That's good news.
Did you know that babies are my speciality ?

Well I hope so
That's what my husband and I have been hoping for.
Come in and have a sit .

After a moment
Louis Smith blushed and said
Where do we start?

We'll leave everything to me
I usually like to try two in the bath tub
One on the couch
And may be a couple on the bed,
Sometimes the living room floor can be fun
You get really spread out there

The bathroom the living room floor ...
No wonder it hadn't worked for Harry and me

Well ma'am
Non of us can guarantee a good shot every time
But if we try different positions
and I shoot trough six or seven angles
I assure you be pleased with the different results

That sounds like an awful lot, she said

Ma'am in my line of work I have to take my time
I'd love to be in and out in 5 minutes
But you'd be very disappointed with that

The photographer opened his briefcase and he pulled out a portfolio of baby pictures this was done on top of the bus

Oh! My God
She's sick...

And then these twins turned out exactly well
When you considered
That mother was so difficult to work with

She was difficult

Yeah I'm afraid so
I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right

People were crowding around us
4 or 5D to take a look

Haha My God!
Four or five beats
She said

It took us three hours
Hahaha
The mother kept screaming and yelling
I can hardly concentrated

When darkness came, I had to rush my shots .
Squirrel began nibbling on my equipment just as I...
So I had to pack it in

You mean squirrel actually chewed on your equipment?

That's the truth Madam
Well if you ready
I'll set up my tripod and get the work done

get your tripod!!!

Yes ma'am, I use a tripod to rest my candle on
It is much too big to be held by hand

MisRib fainted